I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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