Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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