You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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