It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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