seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i think i just lost a toe
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
