y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
