im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
