then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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