BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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