from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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