CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
