I wish my penis had an off switch
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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