Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
high people should be assigned attendants
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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