Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
