were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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