from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
