I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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