I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I puked a lego.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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