Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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