im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
