it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
