the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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