I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
