so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
