Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
