before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i was born a porn star she said
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
