So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
