Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
