You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
