It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
