I think my fart just growled at me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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