im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
