Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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