Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The ass gains better be worth it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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