Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
