I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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