I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
