HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
