Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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