I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
