billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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