theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
