these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
