i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
