at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
