Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Randomize
