Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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