His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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