Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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