I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
