She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
